I never thought that we'd be here, silently communicating, yet no real communication. The silence between us is deafening, it's hurtful. Quiet whispers of hello, silent good-byes, quick glances in each other's direction, but neither of us is willing to be the first to speak. "I miss you" is too heavy on either of our tongues, and saying nothing doesn't seems to be enough. I never thought we'd be here. But, here we are, quiet hellos and silent good-byes. One hoping for the other to make the first move. It'll probably never happen.
"Alana, you don't have a family." My brother said this to me the other day. Apparently, he and one of my cousins don't believe I invest enough time in the family so they've kicked me out. This was all very comical...until it wasn't. I've never fit into my family. I am so very different from both sides of my family. They're loud, I'm quiet, they argue, I'd rather speak my peace and then walk away, they avoid certain issues, I deal with things head on, forget the consequences. I've always felt like an outsider, but I've been ok with that, because as Bernie Mac use to say, I walk alone . I've always been my own person, and I've always done my own thing, I've never need validation from anyone. When I was younger, my parents use to take me home (to Illinois) all the time. The visits eventually became less frequent, and as I got older, I started to feel less connected to my family. I'd look at everybody and feel li...