Changes: I Don't Like Them

I don't handle changes well, I like for things to stay the same. But when changes do occur, I need them to be small and simple. You know, the kind of changes you barely notice.

My best friend and I go on what she liked to call "adventures" from time to time. It's a time where we hang out with each other, talk about life, and well, get lost, because neither one of is good with directions. Not too long ago, she said that it was time to go on another "adventure" and that got me to thinking. I sent her a text that said, "one day you will be married, or have kids, and you will be too busy, or I will be too busy to hang out like this." And then I got sad. Sure, we will still go to dinner, or maybe stop being busy long enough to grab a cup of coffee, but it doesn't mean that things will stay the same.

Life goes on, yes, it's true. But if you really stop and think about the changes that might take place in the future it might make you a little sad also. Friendships change, they end, and people get busy. One day, you might look up and realize that the best friend that's always been there, no longer has the time he or she once had. It's a sad thought, but it's also a sobering thought.

Where Do I Fit In?

"Alana, you don't have a family." My brother said this to me the other day. Apparently, he and one of my cousins don't believe I invest enough time in the family so they've kicked me out. This was all very comical...until it wasn't. I've never fit into my family. I am so very different from both sides of my family. They're loud, I'm quiet, they argue, I'd rather speak my peace and then walk away, they avoid certain issues, I deal with things head on, forget the consequences. I've always felt like an outsider, but I've been ok with that, because as Bernie Mac use to say, I walk alone . I've always been my own person, and I've always done my own thing, I've never need validation from anyone. When I was younger, my parents use to take me home (to Illinois) all the time. The visits eventually became less frequent, and as I got older, I started to feel less connected to my family. I'd look at everybody and feel li...

Letting Go: It's Beyond Your Control Girl

The last few weeks have been rough. There have been so many ups and downs that I didn't know whether I was coming or going. For every right, there were six wrongs. Of course I smiled through it, because that is what I do. This is normal, because we all go through stuff, right? Right! But for some reason the bad news just wouldn't let up, I was being hit from all directions and I didn't know what to do but to surrender. I've never been a quitter, I've always chosen to fight through whatever was going on with me and so far, I have always come out on top. One of my downfalls has also been never asking for help, I'd rather suffer, and struggle so that when things finally turn around I can say that I did it, by myself, as I always do. Talking about my problems with others only happens after the problems are solved. This time however, I decided to take a different route, I asked for help, but help never came. Still wondering why I don't ask for help? Normally I w...

#XD30 -3- If You Were Mine

"Cammy, baby, I think we've got it." Zaire looked at Camilla through the glass that separated them. They'd been working on her new album for weeks, and things were finally starting to take shape. Zaire continued to stare at Camilla, she was looking down and humming the song they'd just finished. He had been in love with Camilla since the day Jacob introduced them. Zaire was an award winning writer/producer, but he was also Jacob's little brother, and he was the only man Jacob felt comfortable enough to leave Camilla alone with. If he knew about Zaire's feelings for Camilla, he'd surely flip out. It was no secret that his brother hit Camilla. Everyone knew it. The brothers had almost come to blows once before when Zaire decided to confront Jacob. He wasn't the type of person to get into other people's business, but this was Camilla, the woman he had fallen in love with. Pressing a button, Zaire spoke to Camille, "come out and listen to the...

Alana Stoner

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